where has the time gone

Wow my little "baby" is almost 11 months old...where has the time gone? I'm typing this while she's asleep in her crib. It's amazing how much she has changed since she was born from my adorable, itty bitty 6 lb 4 oz little one. She is so independent now, crawling all over the house, exploring, getting stuck under furniture, pointing and talking, trying to walk...and saying "Mommom, Dada, Dog". I can't even begin to imagine what life will be like watching her change everyday.....so amazing.

I guess I've been reflecting a lot lately with the new baby coming on our last 10 months and things we've done and things we may choose to do differently. I guess the thing I've learned the most is to trust my mom instincts, even though they may not always be right...I need to trust them, I have them for a reason! I've had such great support from family and friends, people I can call when I'm scared (first fever was a huge one) but I think you always have some knowing underneath on what to do. I was so worried about Rozlynn and her sleep but honestly I don't mind rocking her to sleep at night, snuggling her, spending time together. I just look back and see how fast this time has gone by...soon she won't want to snuggle with me at all because she will be to busy, she'll be wanting to spend time with a boyfriend more than her parents, etc.

I will never regret holding my daughter to much!

None

I just opened an email from my mom and found out that my cousin Jason committed suicide. It just makes you relive some moments in your life or revisit memories. I remember my cousin Jason at my Grandpa Zech's funeral and how upset he was. I remember seeing him cry and hugging my dad. This past summer we had a party for another cousin and Jason was there. He went up to my dad in his wheel chair and squatted down and talked with him for a long time. I know my dad has always felt somewhat responsible for Jason as he is his God Father, and is very close with my Uncle Joe (Jason's dad). I know that Jason's death will be hard on a lot of people and I'm thinking of them.

Suicide is such a sickly amazing thing. I mean know one can possibly understand the darkness that these individuals must have felt at the time, that lead them to that decision. I've dealt with a lot of suicide attempts at work but all were superficial. Ryan's grandfather also committed suicide, and most of the male relatives on his father's side have as well. I think that as a society we need to be aware of suicide and become better educated on the topic. I think too often we see the stereotypical suicide or the glamorous suicides. It makes me sick, and my heart is breaking for his family right now, because there's no understanding where he was in his own mind right now.

Soo tired

Ugh Rozlynn has been going through some sort of crazy sleep regression. She was doing so great, sleeping from 8pm-1:30 am and then typically until 6:30 or so. Lately she's been going to bed at 10, up at 12:30 or 1 and pretty much every 1-2 hours after that. Hoping now that the holidays are over that we can get back to our routine and have her in bed asleep by 9 every night, we shall see how this goes!

Tonight a kitchen remodel guy is coming over to talk to us about our options for countertops. We decided that we are going to paint the cupboards a dark brown and do a lighter countertop. We can't afford to redo everything so we decided we would get the most out of getting new countertops and adding a backsplash. Our kitchen is pretty big, so just the countertops will add up. We are also going for a laminate instead of a solid surface, because of the price. At least this is what we have planned, we'll see what this guy has to say when he comes to check everything out. We are also going to hire the painter who did our living room to paint the kitchen because we have some cracks and things that need to be repaired. It shouldn't be too much for him to paint the kitchen and the ceiling. I can't wait to get the kitchen counters redone, right now they are a lovely bright blue! Hopefully it will be done before summer!

Ryan

I am so lucky to have married my best friend, as corny as that sounds. We have been best friends since elementary schools and I have to thank my sister Jen for telling me to give him a chance as a boyfriend! She was obviously very right! One of my favorite things about our relationship is that Ryan has always said it his goal to get me to laugh out loud one time each day….and he seriously does…every day, no matter what is going on.

For example today he came home with flowers and told me to read the card…I’m expecting it to say something like “Love You”. I open the card and it says “Blerg”. I seriously just laughed out loud. To explain, we watch 30 rock episodes every night and this is one of Tina Fey’s favorite things to say. If she makes a mistake it’s always “blerg” and I always think it’s hilarious (I love that show). I’m just lucky to have him in my life, not only is he an amazing husband, but he’s an even more amazing father and uncle to all my nephews and little niece!

Not sure why I felt like saying all of this today….but I did!

Been awhile

Wow it's been awhile since I've posted in here! Life has been busy! Rozlynn is 14 weeks old and changing every day! I loved her when I first saw her, but the love I have for her has grown so much over the past few weeks. She is developing her own little personality and loves to talk, smile, laugh, grab her toys, etc. I was honestly somewhat worried when she was first born because you hear everyone talk about loving their babies....and I loved her, no doubt about that but now understand what everyone was talking about!

So some people may not know this about Ryan and I, but we are taking a very natural minded route with parenting. We co-sleep (baby in bassinet in bedroom),no vaccinations, breastfeed, and had Rozlynn at home (water birth). So all of the research we did to lead us to these decisions, have lead me to look into becoming a doula, or in simple terms a labor support. When I first got pregnant I came across that word and looked into it, and thought it would be wonderful to have a support in the delivery room, especially after being in the room for my nephew Matthew's birth, I just knew that having another person in there would be wonderful. Well, after a lot of searching and coming up empty handed we found a midwife who was willing to act as a doula for us. Well, after several meetings with her we decided on a homebirth instead, but I would like to offer doula services to women/husbands/family in my county who are not comfortable with an out of hospital birth. I've been looking into two different programs in Michigan that follow the DONA certification process. Both have two different programs, one of which is a pretty fluid process that is done at your own pace. You do have to go to weekend long classes, but I can fit those into my schedule when I'm ready. So I'm printing off all of the materials describing the process and will go from there. I think this will be a great service for my county and can't wait. I love that I can do this at my own pace and get involved in births. I also had an awesome midwifery apprentice who came to my birth who I've stayed in close contact with, who is going to help me through this journey. I would love to work with her some day!

Crazy I started my college journey in Criminal Justice and am now getting my MSW in Clinical Social Work (I'll be done in May 2011) and now I'm being lead to this. I'm very excited and Ryan is 100% supportive of my decisions! I think having my MSW can help me a great deal when becoming a doula and when helping clients!

8 weeks

Rozlynn was 8 weeks on Saturday and I absolutely can't believe how fast the time is flying by. Sometimes I look at her and am just amazed that I gave birth to her and that she is mine. I love that she is getting older and developing her own personality. I love the fact that she will sit with Ryan and jabber back and forth with him. She's starting to use her arms and is grabbing at her toys on her exercise gym. I guess the best way to sum it up is I love her so much, seriously no other way to describe it!

Ryan and I are still adjusting to parenthood it is true challenge to find the right balance! Seriously baby comes first at all times and that is such a change from before. Car rides were a serious challenge with Rozlynn screaming in the back, one of us sitting next to her, trying to calm her, and trying to talk...ugh those car rides were miserable. Now she is enjoying..well that may be do strong but at least she isn't screaming in the car!

My absolute favorite time with Rozlynn is our quiet time in the morning after Ryan leaves for work and all the animals settle back down. She will wake up and just cuddle and she smiles and smiles just for me! She is such a happy baby in the morning, love it!

Ahhh

So I am only 10 days away from my due date...seriously has that much time passed by? I feel great and have been going for walks every night with Ryan and Oscar, I'm back to work three days a week, the only negatives about where I am at in my pregnancy is swollen feet (having them down and the pressure from the uterus on the veins has my feet looking like cankles) and getting up out of bed three plus times per night to use the potty takes forever because I get up and have to rearrange my pillows, Oscar tries to steal my spot, Ryan rolls over onto my side, etc :) But honestly, I love being pregnant, I don't care about the weight gain, stretch marks, etc. They are all bringing me a beautiful baby who I can't wait to meet.

I'm going for a massage today just to treat myself, actually Ryan is treating me! Hoping for a little bit of relaxation :)

37 weeks and counting

So we made it to 37 weeks (as of Friday) and still no baby :) I went back to work yesterday and was able to finish all of my paperwork and clear my desk out, it feels nice to be done. I do go back tomorrow and Thursday unless the baby comes before then. They still haven't given me the other contract to review yet, so I don't know whats happening with that.

We had a natural birth friendly class on Saturday and it was really neat. We learned a bunch of relaxation techniques to use during labor and then created birthing plans. They practiced different massage techniques, heat and cold therapy, etc. It really gave us some great ideas to use during the actual labor. Ryan even liked the class so that was refreshing!

As I sit here and write this the three pets (Oscar, Chick and Nugget) are all sitting in front of the french doors in the sunlight. I don't think Nugget realizes Oscar is near her, she normally hates him! So cute!

Trust

On Friday we went to the doctor and we felt like we were going to be having the baby any minute (Doctor also did as well). We came home packed hospital bags, cleaned, tried to get everything ready....and then have been sitting on pins and needles. I lost my plug on Sunday night and was having cramping so the doctor wanted me to go into the hospital to get checked Monday. I did and the nurse basically wasn't to nice/gentle/friendly and made us feel dumb. She said it could be weeks still. So what I've learned is:

Trust my body! I will know when I'm in labor and when I need to get to a hospital or call the midwife. I had no idea prior to that doctors appointment that I was as far along as I was, and I honestly liked it better that way. Last night I made peace with myself about this and so did Ryan and I slept through the entire night without waking up at every little pain! So end of the story....baby isn't ready yet, and when he/she is....I'm ready for you to come and join our family! I just don't want to be waiting on pins and needles :)

Wow

So I had an ob appointment yesterday and to our shock (mine, Ry's and the doctor) I'm 3 cm dilated and 60% effaced already! The doctor was pretty shocked and went to speak with another doctor and decided that if I did go into full blown labor they won't do anything at this point to stop it. They also want me to quit working, but I'm going to go in on Monday to do some final paperwork/desk work. Thats if I make it to Monday!

The only downside is that I won't be able to have my homebirth because of additional risks prior to 37 weeks (I'm only 36). My midwife was happy with my progress though and said I've already done a lot of hard work without even knowing it. She also said chances are I will have a pretty fast labor when I do go into full labor. So I will see her on Sunday morning and will talk with her some more.

We are so excited to meet the baby, I can't wait. We had to pack a hospital bag last night, so I will repack that today and just relax around home and take it easy. Goal is to let baby come when ready but not to try and encourage it!